As we pursue raising real friends with whom we can link arms to build better communities, I frequently think warmly of something that happened to me years ago, as we were building the charity we founded.

There is a young man in our community who is well-respected - actually adored. Steven is attractive and sweet, and in our almost 1 million population metro area, he's quite the celebrity. There is no other way to say it than this: everyone in town not only knows who Steven is, but feels personally warmly towards this young man they may never have met, but somehow adore.

Steven was at an event for the charity we founded. The event was arranged by one of our sponsors, and so we had nothing to do with the arrangements, short of showing up and picking up the check. We had no idea Steven would be there, and we were thrilled. As I shook his hand in introduction, I felt like a school girl. I was actually shaking hands with Steven!

A few weeks after the event, I called Steven to tell him how grateful we were that he was at the event. I asked if I could just take a couple of minutes of his time to tell him what it is we do, so that he could understand what the heck he was there to support! I know he is busy - busier than anyone at such a young age should be. We arranged to meet on a weekend, because that would be easiest for him.

Steven called me early Saturday morning to say that he was getting his oil changed, and that the day had already gotten away from him. Could I meet him at the auto dealer, and we could chat for a few minutes? Needless to say, I was there in a flash.

Once I arrived, Steven and I made some small talk about his career, and as happens after small talk is exhausted, the pause came where I could tell my story. But I didn't. Instead, I asked more about his life. He's so young (in his early 20's) - how is it he's accomplished so much? His family is far away - how does he handle that? How does he deal with his fame and success?

This was important to me, because I didn't just want to tell him my story, but involve him in it. He had already given us something wonderful just by being present at our event. I wanted this bright young man to not only understand what the organization was all about, but I wanted him to be thinking about the work we do beyond just "one more event to attend." I wanted his wisdom, his thoughts about the world. I wanted him to want to be part of our family.

After listening to Steven talk about his own life, I understood a little better what he might appreciate about our own story. And as I finally did tell him that story, at every logical point, I asked him what he thought, what his experience had been with the issues I was sharing with him. He shared the views he had always had of the world, and finally confessed that he had never before considered the many sides of the issues we were discussing. "I had always thought, ‘All these folks need is an education.' I never realized how much stood in the way of getting that education!"

His car was finished, and the cashier was tapping on the desk. But to my delight, Steven ignored her. Instead, he asked about me. In addition to starting this charity, what is our consulting practice like? He asked about my daughter, and about being a parent. And through it all, it wasn't just me relating my own personal story to the work my charity does - he, too, was talking about it. "What you were able to do as a single mom - the moms you help can't do that yet, can they?" It was the kind of conversation we all dream of having.

And now here's the punch line. No, it's not that I made a friend for the organization that day, which I did. And it's not that I made a personal friend that day, which I also did.

As we finally got up, after a whole hour, and started to leave, Steven took my hand and thanked me. "No one's ever done this before," he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "You do all kinds of charity work all the time."

“Yes,” he said. “They call, and maybe they take a minute or two to tell me about the organization, and then they ask me if I’ll be at such-and-such place to give a talk. But no one has ever taken the time to really tell me about the issues behind what they do. Nobody’s ever told me the stories you told me. You are the first person who’s ever taken the time to explain things to me.”

Being the motherly type, it was everything I could do but to hug him. We shook hands, and I gave him my card. And as I was walking out the door, Steven called after me. "If you're going to do one of those events again, call me way in advance," he said. "I want to be able to clear my calendar." And his smile was so warm, I wore it all the way home.

Since that day, Steven has participated in many events for the charity we founded, and he has given in many other ways as well, including giving dollars. But the nicest thing of all is when the phone rings after our newsletter goes out. It's Steven on the other end - our local celebrity whose life is still far too busy. He is taking time out of his day to say, "I got your newsletter, and I just want to tell you that what you are doing is truly incredible."

And how could friendship be any better than that?

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